Learning to say NO
7 April 2010
Saying ‘no’ is one of the biggest timesavers in existence. Yet, we all say yes far too often.
‘Yes’ when a client asks for another minor round of revisions at no charge and with no change in the schedule. ‘Yes’ to a co-worker asking for help with a project. ‘Yes’ to the creative director when accepting a new project without confirming its priority.
The end result is always the same. More work than there are hours in the day and the productivity killer of trying to do too many things at once. Multitasking is a proven time waster, not a time saver, but that’s a conversation for another day.
Why do we fall into the yes trap? Let’s take a look at some reasons for our addiction to yes. Then we’ll get to the nitty-gritty and tips for learning to say no.
Three reasons for saying yes too often:
1. Fear. Perhaps we are afraid of losing a client; being thought of as not nice, or not a team player; or fear of losing our job. The ‘not nice’ fear also leads to guilt – the great manipulator.
2. A lifetime of saying ‘yes’ too fast becomes a habit. We say yes without pausing to think.
3. Related to number two: Not knowing how much of our time is already taken. If we don’t make a regular assessment of our commitments, we don’t even know how much time is available.
So we say yes too fast, happy to start an interesting new project, blissfully unaware we have just seriously over-committed ourselves. Getting in the habit of actually using a good estimating, time and project management tool really helps avoid this. (and will save time when you invoice a client, or estimate future projects)
Tips for Learning to Say NO
1. Break the ‘fast yes’ habit and replace it with the ‘buying time’ habit.
- Say “Thank you for asking me. Before I say yes, I’d like to understand a bit more about what you need.” Then ask questions to clarify the scope and urgency and if you are the only or best person for the job.
- Say “I’d love to, but first I’ll have to check with … my diary, my commitments for this week/month, my production manager, my creative director, my dog.”
- Ask, “If I could only do some of what you are asking, which part would it be?”
- Ask, “What piece of agreed work would you like me to bump to get this done for you?”
2. Keep it short.
In most cases it is ok to simply say, “I’m sorry I won’t be able to” or, “I’d love to, but I’m sorry it’s just not possible right now.”
Generally, the less said the better. We all tend to provide reasons for saying no, but this can back-fire in three ways.
- The other person may try to find a way to ‘solve the problem’ so they can get what they want.
- The other person might feel slighted because they believe they should be more important than the reason you have just given.
- Worst of all, you could be caught in a lie, if you have invented an excuse.
You have every right to simply say no, and if pressed, you can repeat your simple no in different ways without getting into detail.
Of course, if it’s your boss asking, a simple no may not be a good idea. It is totally appropriate, or perhaps even mandatory, to ask your boss for confirmation on how this request fits in with your already agreed priorities. After all, it is your neck at risk if you do not get clear instruction on which prior deadline you have permission to ignore.
If it’s a client and you need to say no; you can soften it by helping them see other ways to meet their ultimate objective. Often just a bit of discussion of high level objectives helps a client put things in perspective, and realize they can wait for your availability, or achieve the objective another way.
3. Fall back on policy.
‘No’ becomes depersonalized if you can say, “I’m sorry, it is against our policy to do so” or, “We have a policy of never taking on projects if we know we don’t have time to deliver the quality our clients deserve, or if it means we will be neglecting our current clients.”
This works much better if you consistently demonstrate the policy you are quoting. It’s part of being in integrity. It’s not always easy to stay in integrity, but well worth the effort for many reasons, including sometimes making it easier to say no.
4. Build the ‘no’ habit by starting small.
It is easiest to change behavior by taking baby steps first. Start by saying no more often with small things and people you’re comfortable with. This will build your confidence and start creating a habit.
A very good tactic is to start by breaking the ‘fast yes’ habit. You may still say yes, but not so fast, and you will be surprised to learn slowing down your response results in ‘no’ happening more often. This will give you the courage to choose ‘no’ and stick to it more often.
As my French neighbours say, ‘Bonne chance et bon courage.’
I know you can do it.
Comments
April 9th, 2010
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